Reflections from an “Empty Barn” Show Mom
We all reach for the “brass ring” in support of our daughter’s dreams. Recognized by all, feared by show officials—we are the Horse Show Moms. Unconditional fan, chauffeur, banker, and costume maker, we are the self-sacrificing individuals who write the checks, drive the trucks, and are masters at backing a horse trailer. Yes, I am a Horse Show Mom!
With a teary eye, I look past the monitor to a bulletin board on my office wall that is filled beyond capacity with photos of my “children,” both two- and four-legged varieties! A span of some 20 years chronicles the blessings this Mom has received.
There are wonderful moments we Mothers get to experience with our children that are forever imprinted upon our hearts. My foremost recollection was meeting my daughter some 30 hours after her birth. Due to complications (she decided to arrive six weeks early!), I finally got to hold her in my arms, count her fingers and toes, and, with tears of joy, say, “Hi, I’m your Mommy.” When at last I was able to bring her home from the hospital, I laid her down in a nursery adorned with whimsical hobby horses. And thus it began … a Mother’s love of all things equine had passed on a legacy.
At the tender age of two, my daughter began practicing her showmanship skills. Dixie, my beloved and ever patient broodmare, allowed herself to be dragged about the barnyard for countless hours.
By age six, my girl entered the show ring on our sainted babysitter: Sonny. I remember holding that gelding’s face and giving him the “talk.” With a reassuring eye, he guaranteed me of her safe return. As promised, Sonny’s obligation to his precious cargo was evident as he refused to budge from the line-up at class end. With no other horse moving out, Sonny held steadfast and dared not take a step! While on-lookers shouted advice from the stands, my daughter very calmly took matters into her own hands. She simply slid off the saddle and led her 16-hand quadruped to the gate and collected her prize. A gracious equestrian from the start, my baby girl turned and waved to those who cheered her resolve.
As the years passed, I found myself hanging on the side of many an arena rail. My roles varied from coach and counselor, to those “Calgon, take me away !” moments as I dealt with the ups and downs of a hormonal teenager! I raised my daughter to feel she could accomplish any goal. Good, bad, or ugly, we managed through each show season with determination, and dreamed of another year to come. As thrilling as it was to bring home that blue ribbon, striving for a personal best was most often our greatest satisfaction.
Together we learned from the hardships and the setbacks, the disappointments and the grief, that surrounded our life. Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve … Oh, how the perfect mother syndrome tortured me as my dream of our white-picket-fence family slipped away with an unhappy marriage and impending divorce.
No matter where the day’s journey took us, we always came back full circle to the horses. In this communal meeting place, we discovered the barn to be our neutral territory; a place to talk, a place to be heard … a place for me to listen. In truth, it was in those “barn talks” that my daughter taught me, somewhere along the way, to accept my human foibles and failures. I learned there is no such thing as a perfect life. In spite of all my worrying, I can now say, “Wow, I must have done something right.”
I have spent the last 23 years raising a daughter. I knew the day would come; I just never thought it would come so fast. This past year, I watched her walk down the aisle and marry her high school sweetheart. As images of her childhood flooded my every thought, I realized what a privilege it has been to watch her grow to this day!
How does a mother begin to express the feelings coursing through her as she now faces an empty nest? I am so proud of her and excited for their new life as a couple. Yet the tears stream because it’s difficult to face the prospect of letting go. I never expected to feel this way. While I have endeavored to give my daughter wings, now it is time for me to step out of the way so she may spread those wings and fly.
On the other hand, I should be congratulated as I have now worked myself out of a job! Suddenly, the house seems to stay cleaner all on its own, the electric bill is lower, and there is always a Diet Coke in the refrigerator!
Mine is now a different world, but there is much to be grateful for, too. From years of leaning on that arena rail, I can confidently post on the right diagonal, keep my hands low, and sit back on that flying-lead change … maybe it’s time to put all that knowledge back in the saddle and jog into my own blue ribbon future! With hopes and dreams, my story will continue along a new and different path–for I was blessed to be a “Horse Show Mom.”
I heard it once said; families are forever and motherhood is eternal. Yes, it is true: we hold our children’s hands for just a short while, we hold their hearts forever.
Ciao La Mia Bambina!
Ti Amo
Mamma
